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How Satan Rolls

Posted: January 19th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off on How Satan Rolls

Photo by Jef Poskanzer via Flickr

Letter of the day from the Minneapolis Star Tribune:

Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll. You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best, Satan

Read the comments? Maybe not, but this is good:

Posted by granma4peace. Congrats Lily on a very clever letter

but you’re forgetting the first part of what Pat said, which was that the devil agreed to free the Haitians from the French who had brutally enslaved them for many years. THAT was the big payoff that Satan delivered, Lily. He apparently made no agreement that included the centuries AFTER he freed them from slavery. Actually, it took many years of brutal fighting by the Haitian rebels before they were able to break the yoke of slavery and drive the French off the island. Haitians suffered many more casualties in the fighting than did the French but Napoleon lost so many of his troops he decided the price was too high and gave it up as a lost cause. At that point he decided he’d had enough of the new world and sold the Lousiana Purchase to the U.S.

And then this. BWAAAA!

Posted by cheiron55401. Satan?

I thought he played hockey for the Boston Bruins?

(Andre Ringuette/NHLI via Getty Images)

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